Are you able to resist temptation when the results could have bad consequences?

Oh good, me too! Wait, did you say yes, no or maybe?

Are you enabling someone else to engage in harmful behavior?

Wait, I can’t be responsible for someone else, can I? That’s too much. It’s complicated, right?

The truth is complicated, or is it?

Maybe the story around the truth is getting complicated. The human mind is capable of giving us lots of excuses, and rationalizing behaviors.

That sounds harsh, judgmental even. We don’t like to be judged or to feel shame, and we will do almost anything to prevent it. We will even try to “save” others from feeling shame.

Below is a short list of ways we cope with our own shame, and attempt to manage even the shame others experience from their own harmful behaviors. This is enabling:

Pay attention to which of the below especially trigger you, and allow this sensitivity to inform you. We cannot heal what we do not first acknowledge.

Defending

I find it difficult to receive feedback about weaknesses, or sin (wrongdoing). When confronted, my tendency is to explain things away, talk about my successes, or to justify my decisions. As a result, I rarely have conversations about difficult things in my life.

Pretending

I strive to keep up appearances, maintain a respectable image. My behavior, to some degree, is driven by what I think others think of me. I also do not like to think reflectively about my life. As a result, not very many people know the real me (I may not even know the real me).

Hiding

I tend to conceal as much as I can about my life, especially the “bad stuff”. This is different than pretending in that pretending is about impressing. Hiding is more about shame. I don’t think people will accept the real me.

Blaming

I am quick to blame others for sin (wrongdoing) or circumstances. I have a difficult time “owning” my contributions to sin (wrongdoing) or conflict. There is an element of pride that assumes it’s not my fault AND/OR an element of fear of rejection if it is my fault.

Minimizing

I tend to downplay sin (wrongdoing) or circumstances in my life, as if they are “normal” or “not that bad. As a result, things often don’t get the attention they deserve, and have a way of mounting up to the point of being overwhelming.

Exaggerating

I tend to think (and talk) more highly of myself than I ought to. I make things (good and bad) out to be much bigger than they are (usually to get attention). As a result, things often get more attention than they deserve, and have a way of making me stressed or anxious.

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/6-destructive-ways-we-minimize-our-own-sin.html#google_vignette

Reality check: All of the above keep us trapped in the delusion that we can prevent or manage the consequences of troublesome behaviors, but that thinking is part of the trap and actually keeps us locked into a worsening cycle that may eventually spin out of control, until we hit a rock bottom, dragging others down with us and damaging relationships.

Freedom from destructive thoughts and behaviors is possible, but if you have struggled for long, you know that self-denial and will-power are often not enough to save us.

How did we get here? Something about getting kicked out of paradise…

We don’t start out seeking painful/destructive pathways in our lives, we begin by asking what will bring us joy/pleasure/peace/satisfaction and how can we avoid sadness/pain/anxiety/boredom. This is normal human thinking, but without healthy boundaries we are easily led to temptations we cannot handle and to trouble we cannot solve ourselves.

Problems develop when we try to satisfy our desires by going where we should not go (crossing healthy boundaries, breaking promises, rules or even the law) or taking what does not belong to us, all the while rationalizing that the action is beneficial/harmless. No one is immune from temptation, but those that preach rules to others that they don’t follow themselves are seen as hypocrites when people find out. Oh yeah, they always find out.

When People Find Out

The truth shows up in various ways, it leaks into our bodies, our minds, our relationships, our jobs, and eventually into our public lives.

We can suffer anxiety when we try to cover up our own tracks or those of someone we love.

There is Freedom in Truth

The truth will set us free, but first it will make us mad, right? Telling the truth and owning your part is never easy, and there may be scary consequences, but there is no freedom until we give up all forms of lying: denying, hiding, defending, pretending, and minimizing.

It is important that our language is honest and does not add to the manipulative denial of facts. Governments, healthcare organizations, individual politicians and corporations often come under fire for a lack of transparency, and it rightly destroys public trust.

Does the below glass look transparent? Is it safe to operate a vehicle without transparency? No, neither is it safe to live your life this way.

Trust can only be restored when the truth is present. Enabling someone you love to minimize their bad behavior, keeps you both in bondage, and may even lead to more bad behavior.

The term “enabler” refers to someone who persistently behaves in enabling ways, justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior.

In other words, enabling is directly or indirectly supporting someone else’s unhealthy tendencies.

These behaviors can include:

• alcohol or substance use
• manipulation tactics
• unlawful actions
• self-harm

https://psychcentral.com/health/are-you-an-enabler#definition

We are all accountable for our choices, but we prefer to tell a version of the truth, a made-up story to cover our tracks. Adam and Eve did it, and like them, we use our stories to justify our actions, hide, try to cover our shame, or blame others. Like Adam and Eve, we will experience real consequences, and our stories can lead us further away from freedom, unless we acknowledge our true parts in the story, and our need for both forgiveness and redemption.

💗Wishing you Amazing Love & Redemption
More articles at https://goodadvice4life.blogspot.com/.