What is desperation? It is a state of hopelessness. The television series Desperate Housewives provided us with numerous extreme, dramatic, and sometimes comical examples of characters acting selfishly or rashly, driven by a narcissistic sense of desperation to obtain something unearned, escape something, or prove something. The below is an example of a desperate narcissist making a big show of how caring she is in front of neighbors. This narrative must be constantly maintained to convince strangers, despite how she treats her own family.

This kind of dramatic scene and narcissistic character make for an addictive series, but our own lives were not meant to be lived in this extreme state of distress. When the narcissist is someone in our lives at home or work, where is our escape? It may be tempting to confront the narcissist and lovingly point out the behavior, but the narcissist is perpetually and unapologetically unwilling to accept any responsibility. They are far more likely to punish you for trying.

1 Corinthians 10:13

¹³ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

There is no pleasing or convincing the narcissist, just as there is no fair or rational compromise with one. You only escape and keep your sanity, peace, and power by avoiding them. Is it really okay to avoid people? Yes, when they are evil, or only interested in the appearance of being good, but deny real goodness from taking hold of their hearts and lives. We are instructed to avoid such people.

2 Timothy 3:5 

Having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

Why does the narcissist choose to work so hard to appear good instead of just being good? The Narcissist probably carries a deep sense of internalized shame, but would rather avoid dealing with it or giving it to God. That is sad, because we as sinners all fall short of a Holy God, but in Jesus, we can be redeemed.

Jeremiah 17:9

⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?

Pray for those in your life, whether family, neighbor, colleague or stranger, but do not entertain the narcissist. The narcissist will make their pain, your pain.

Galatians 1:10 

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Narcissists make for entertaining movies, but are never pleased, loving, fun, or interesting for long in real life. Only God can truly judge the prideful and unrepentant narcissist, but you can bet He will. Jesus set clear boundaries when dealing with narcissists, so we can, too.

💗 Wishing you Peace, Truth, and Love
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