Personal style is like pizza preferences. It is not the size or shape of the pizza that determines its flavor, it’s the personal choices made based on the preferences of the individual. We need to feel good in our clothes physically, so we need to know our body size and shape to get the fit that is right for our physical frame and form. This is kind of like choosing a box to fit the pizza, but it is not the pizza itself. We need to feel good emotionally with our style. It needs to feel authentic to who we are on the inside, regardless of our size and shape.

Sometimes we need to fit in to a box or label, sometimes we don’t. Say we have a dress code at work or sports uniform, we have to fit in or we want to fit in many social situations. However there is a time and place to express individuality. It is important to have spaces in our lives to feel free to express ourselves. Are you a classic sauce, plain cheese? White sauce, veggie? Meat-lovers? Spicy? Anchovies? Pineapple? There are no wrong or right preferences, it is all a matter of personal taste.

People are unique and come in various sizes, shapes and flavors. We don’t want to judge people from the outside alone, but we do take our first impressions seriously.

Of course, we don’t get the whole story of someone, not even a summary of who they are from one meeting, but we do get a first impression, and it only takes a couple seconds to size people up. It is in our nature, and we all do it.

Visual Appearance can be a Warning

It’s not only in human nature, but it is also observable in the animal kingdom. Our abilities to perceive others quickly and accurately is paramount to our survival. This makes sense, because as humans we need to identify whether someone is friend or foe very quickly, even unconsciously to avoid danger, recognize family, connect with potential friends, find a suitable mate, and eventually to establish community…the ultimate safety net for human survival. Appearances can be deceiving, but don’t dismiss obvious warning signs, or ignore your gut instinct.

Exceptions: We all see people that don’t seem to care about appearance. Sometimes we go through periods of not caring ourselves. I’m not talking about occasionally not caring, or casual leisure wear, or effortless style. I’m talking those that truly don’t seem to care about appearance, cleanliness, and are clearly disheveled. Example: A physical manifestation of looking a mess could be a result of an external situation (disasters we don’t control) or internal psychological confusion or depression. If this is you, or someone you love, please seek professional help. The inside person is always more important than the outside presentation, but the outside can help clue us in to what is going on internally.

“Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”

Seeing Yourself Clearly

We can’t control how others choose to see us or can we? We can choose how we show up mentally, emotionally and physically for the most part. We choose our attitudes, mind-sets, outlook and intentions. These can be expressed to others and even enhanced by our personal style choices. What we choose to wear will reinforce the attitude that chose it, and affect how others see and treat us, so choose with care.

But it is Monday

Let’s say you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you are sleepy, late for work, don’t know what to wear, forgot to wash your hair or are feeling unprepared for the day. You throw back a cup of hot bean juice, put on some clothes (at least they are clean, right?) and run a comb through your hair, while barely glancing at the mirror to rush out the door or turn on the laptop (thank goodness you work from home). Sound familiar? I’ve been there. Why does that sound like a stereotypical Monday? Could we do better?

Everyday is Your Day

So it is Monday, or any day of the week. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed again, but this time you choose your intention to have a good day, and show up as your awesome self no matter what. This self-love and confidence continues as you select your clothing. You grab your most comfortable pants, and take the time to find a top in a flattering color. Maybe you add a thoughtful accessory this time, something like a nice watch, earrings or necklace that makes you feel good, because it reflects your tastes. This person is ready to tackle the day, invite good vibes, take nothing personal, and maintain an inner sense of peace despite challenges.

Style Categories are like Pizza Menu Items

Style categories can function like menu items or feel like restrictive boxes. These categories can help to identify or classify a set of traits or descriptions you like or don’t like. You are a person with individual tastes and unique features. This is why you may have trouble fitting into only one style category. If a box feels stifling, or not quite right to you, that’s okay. Don’t cram yourself into any box you don’t love. Don’t just “live with it” and tell yourself that you can “just make do” with what doesn’t light you up from within. Better to have only ten items in your closet you love, than 100 items you don’t.

It is also okay to kind of like one, or more. Pay attention to how you feel internally, and to your own gut reaction. Listening to your own voice more than those of “influencers” on social media will help you to find your own personal style that feels authentic. Experiment and try on, but don’t invest in anything that you don’t like/love.

Trends are suggestions. Ignore most of them. If one excites you once in awhile then seize the opportunity to try it. Thrift stores or even online secondhand shopping are great ways to try various trends and style categories. Experiment often until you determine what looks/fits/feels the best to you. Be open to trying on, but ruthless in your ultimate selection. It doesn’t have to be expensive to make you feel like a million bucks. You are worthy of letting your light shine, and if you think you have lost your spark, keep looking for it. Be patient and stay positive, I promise it is there.

Some Style Categories

• Artistic
• Classic
• Dramatic
• Natural
• Romantic

There are also numerous sub-categories.

Sub-Categories:

• Athletic/Sporty
• Street Style
• Preppie
• Vintage by any past decade
• Futuristic
• Minimalism
• Rebellious/Rocker
• Academia (Light/Dark)
• All the “Cores” (Cottage-Core, Fairy-Core, Mermaid-Core (cottage/wings/fins not included)
• New ones invented or reinvented everyday…recycled old trends (Old Money is really just Classic with new marketing (only fall for them if you love them!)

Fantasy Dressing

Be inspired, not overcome (unless that’s your thing).

We often admire styles that don’t suit us in our everyday life. The vintage/romantic style for instance may look amazing on Brigerton society, but if you look better in sporty, and feel better in sporty, and maybe you are a sporty guy or gal, then stay true to sporty.

Exception: We all need to follow rules, dress codes, and to a degree conform to the social situation in order to fit in. You are not so “special” that you can show up to the office in wildly inappropriate attire. What message do you want to send with your appearance? How will that message be received in a particular situation? Everything has consequences, so continue to use your best judgement. Think about what you want to be known for personally and professionally. Go a step deeper, and ask yourself why you want to be perceived that way, and if that will best serve you. I don’t want to dampen your joy or creativity, I just want you to be mindful and intentional in creating the life and personal style you desire.

If it honors the situation and is true to you, that is awesome, but others still may judge. Sometimes they are even jerks about it. The truly insecure will project their fears onto you, and may even say something rude. Ignore the haters. You don’t dress for them. Plus, dressing for yourself will feel good, and attract your people, those that either admire your personal tastes, or your confidence in owning your own look. You may inspire others to embrace their own style.

Personal Style is Your Journey

You are on a journey and your style has probably reflected that. Where are you now? Do you love it? The past (last week or when you were much younger) can hold clues about times you felt particularly good in your skin, and in your clothing. You can also remember times you felt less enthused or secure. Was it because you felt too frilly, plain, exposed, overlooked, restricted, frumpy or (fill in the blank)? The opposite of that word may have guided you to where you are now. Did you do a 180 degree turn? Was it too much? Maybe your comfort zone is somewhere in the middle. Explore without judgement and find your own sweet spot in personal style.

Example: Let’s say you love the 80’s decade (not the cold-war, just the style). Maybe going full 80’s is not the right move, because you want a modern look, but you can dabble in the geometric shapes, the bold use of color, the pastels, or the shapes of a broader shoulder in a more modern way, that communicates to the world, “I like this” without looking like you stepped out of a time machine and have no clue about the last four decades.

Your Personal Style in the World

You have personal tastes. That’s the personal part. You have a way of showing up for yourself and to others. That’s the style part. If they don’t match, you will feel off. Even if you buy an expensive or nice outfit for a special occasion, if it doesn’t feel like you, will you be happy? You have value no matter how you look or choose to show up, but will you feel valuable if you are not honoring your own tastes and agency when it comes to your personal style? You have some things in your life you can’t control and some you can. I suggest that you focus on those things you can, show up in your own life with an understanding that you matter, and let your style communicate the authentic you in a way that honors your whole self as well as the environmental situations and people with whom you are interacting.

You are not going to be everyone’s slice of pizza, and that’s okay. Life would be pretty boring if we were all the same. I’m really hungry now, so I’m going to wrap this up by acknowledging that self-expression occurs through multiple channels: playing music, creating art, cooking, surfing, gardening, building, etc. Your personal style is not limited to clothing or any of these. Show up as yourself, but pay attention to how you best get and express your joy. That is worth repeating. Like pizza every week.

💗Wishing you Amazing Love & Joyful Self-Expression
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